also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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