I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
