I just threw up on my dentist
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we're making bets on your personal life
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
