I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
