It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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