Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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