the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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