Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
