remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
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I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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