just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
where are my eyebrows?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
