There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
