Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
