Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
