your thong is hanging out like whoa
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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