What a fucking waste of an outfit
I bet he comes in French.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
