I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
