High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
