i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She's like a pop up book from hell.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
