haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
are you so shy because you have an std?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He did a backflip because drugs
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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