her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
