I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
