If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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