you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
