the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
