Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We have started to decorate penises.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
