I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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