just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize