I think my vagina is haunted
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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