I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
