Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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