just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
