there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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