I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
