Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
