A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We need to rekindle our bromance
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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