Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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