she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
