So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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