It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
