how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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