While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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