It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
