i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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