Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
