Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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