I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
