two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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