He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
