you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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