i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
