I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
