i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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