someone threw a dead crab at me
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
