honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
