I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
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You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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