Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
