I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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