weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
