i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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