Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
