i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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