I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
