i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
