My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
